An annoying trait women have is the need to push for a definition of a relationship shortly after meeting them. This stems from a recent interaction with someone I’ve just met. Her fear is “guys” inability to commit to a relationship, a typical myth many women have. Believe it or not, most men have a long term plan relationship plan, but our incessant need to have sex immediately sends very mixed messages. Men generally work with a timeline, a set of conditions, or some general rules. Pushing us to that timeline and rules will result in complete and utter failure.

After a day of indicating I was interested in a potential date, she asked why I could not commit to anything, saying “I like you, you like me, I don’t see a problem here.” I did like her but she was asking for a full commitment in a short period of time and I’ve only known her for two weeks as a co-worker. I’m not commitment phobic and contrary to popular myths about men, most men aren’t commitment phobic either. We’re just not ready to commit on the third day. We like determine if a woman will fit into our lives before making a full-time commitment. This goes beyond compatible astrological signs and interests.

When I discuss this topic with friends, the question of sex rears it’s ugly head. I’m always asked if men aren’t commitment phobic, “why do you want to have sex so quickly?” Sex and commitment aren’t linked together in our minds, sex is more biological than emotional for us. If we aren’t having sex, we have hands and porn that tends to handle the short-term needs. We like to have sex with attractive women, especially if they are interested. The sooner it happens the happier we are but we can wait.

Women, if we are interested, we will contact you. If we are thinking long term, we will continue to contact you. We will also take our time in doing so (there are time limits though.) Do not push us, it’s annoying! Trying to define a several day relationship will quickly alienate us. Trying to push us to commit in a relationship when we’re not comfortable or ready is disastrous move and will leave you heart broken. You must exercise patience!

There is an exception to this rule, if a significant time has passed and the relationship seems mutually exclusive and nothing has been said, push, but gently. Do not jarringly shove because you feel it has moved to slowly. I believe a month and a half to three months is a good time to gently push and ask for a definition. After that timeline, the status of the relationship may have already been determined.

Originally published at Loveawake dating site