"Imagine going to a restaurant where the chef will provide you with everything he or she wants to fix, instead of giving you a choice. Imagine a gardener who has never asked: "Do you like pruning bushes?" "However, when it comes to sex, many of us think we know what our partner wants, or we are unwilling to provide feedback and lam our noses."
You can keep certain things secret, especially fantasies that you like and don’t want to share with others. But in any relationship, whether it's one night or many years, you need to communicate. Talking about sex publicly makes the relationship between people more interesting and satisfying.
Unless you tell them, you cannot expect your partner to know what you like. People sometimes think that if their partner really loves them or cares about them, then the other person will do exactly what they want. But none of us are spiritual readers! No two people want the same things, have the same fantasies or want to be touched in the same way.
Remember, whether you feel physically pleasant to your partner’s reaction does not indicate their “skills” as a lover. What your former partner liked may not make you reborn, because each of us is different.
What is there to talk about?
The type of relationship you want: submitted or not? Friendly or romantic? Sexual or non-sexual? Monogamous or non-monogamous?
STI status: When was the last time you performed an STI test and what was the result? Which STIs have you tested? No test? Since the last round of testing, how many personal partners have you had? What is the sexually transmitted infection status of these partners? What is your history of STI infection?
Tip: If you are diagnosed with an STD, you need to share this information with potential partners. The more active, honest and straightforward you are, the more actively your partner will hear your voice. Having a sexually transmitted infection does not mean that a good sex life is over, but if you are ashamed of a sexually transmitted infection, your partner is likely to accept it. Collect as much factual information about sexually transmitted infections as possible, including transmission, prevention, treatment, and the actual physical effects of the infection. Let them ask you questions and do their best to answer them honestly without feeling defensive. Remember, this is new news for your partner and it may take a while to get used to
Contraception: Are you currently using contraception? Are you willing to get pregnant? Which birth control precautions do you want to use?
Safe sex precautions: what barriers do you want to use? What kind of sexual activity would you like to enjoy without barriers?
Sexual pleasure: What kind of touch is good for you? Where do you particularly like to be moved? How would you like to be moved, touched, kissed and/or held? The more time you explore and understand your body through masturbation, the more you know which touch you like.
Tip: One way to communicate what you like is to show your partner how you like to touch yourself. Masturbating in front of your partner is fun and rewarding! If your partner can observe the way you touch your penis/wipe your clitoris or use sex toys, he or she can touch you in a similar way.
Sexuality: Do you know what kind of sexual activity you like and want to do? Someone you have never tried but want to try? Someone you might be willing to try? Do you want to talk about fantasy, role-playing (pretend acting) or acting?
Sexual boundaries: What are the sexual activities or fantasies you are unwilling to explore? Is there any place on your body that you don't want to be touched? Make a "possible" chart: close yourself, list the things you want to do (yes!), unwilling to try or don't want to try again (no!), and things you might do that you like to consider doing (maybe!). Then get together to share your list. Both of you may find some happy surprises!
Start a conversation
From beginning to end, communication is necessary throughout the relationship. No matter how long you are with your partner, you need to maintain communication and understand your sexual expectations, sexual desires and needs, because you will continue to change and grow throughout your life and change with the changes in your relationships.
When a relationship is first established, we may nervously share intimate sex details because we hope this new person likes us. As the relationship develops, if we hurt our partner's feelings, we may hesitate. Maybe we assume that our interests should not change, but remember that what you liked ten years ago, a month or even five minutes ago may not feel good now!
Tip: It is difficult to talk about sex with your partner, especially if you have never talked about sex before. Be as frank, confident and honest as possible. You can start a conversation in the following ways:
"I am really attracted to you and want to have sex with you. Before we do this, I want to talk about how to make our sex lives both enjoyable and safe."
"I like making love very much, and I am very excited about having sex with you. After our quarrel last night, I went home all night thinking about you. If you want to go further with me, I would be happy to talk with you about what you like Things, what do you want to try, what are the boundaries and how do we both want to ensure a safer sex life?"
"Since we have decided that we both want to have sex, on the next date, you will bring the printout of your most recent STI test and the "yes, maybe" list, and I will also bring my sex. Then, we Will bring my sex. You can compare notes."
(Once you have sex) "I absolutely love having sex with you. The more I know about you, the happier sex life will be. Now that we have a better understanding of each other, I'm happy to find out other things that can make you Things that turn around. Then, things that you want to explore together."
"I have this fantasy to tell you. I'm a little nervous, so this will help me know that you want to hear it and won't laugh at me."
Although talking about sex can be a bit scary, even if you both wear clothes, it can be incredibly sexy. Many people find that when they talk about sex nervously, their partner is grateful. They are probably also working hard! Once the topic of sex is brought up, many people even respect their partner even more. It's okay to be nervous-let you know that what you are doing is both important and exciting to you. See if you can enjoy the nervous mood-butterfly! Tension may even open!
But remember-it is a good idea to talk about any sex topic before having sex and troubles, but this is especially important for topics that require logical thinking skills (such as safer sex expectations). Please remember that most of us do not take rational actions in the current fierce competition. Think about your own boundaries in advance and discuss them with your partner when you are not in a state of sexual desire. If you turn on the power and lie in bed (or in the back seat of a kitchen or car!), if your partner’s schedule is different, you are unlikely to make a decision to use condoms or other obstacles. Have a conversation before having sex, which is more likely to enable you to act according to your boundaries and preferences.
When you turn on the power, other conversations are very interesting and can even enhance the sexual experience. Tell someone how it feels when you touch you in a certain place or in a certain way...or what you want them to do with you (especially if you already know what they like)...share sexual fantasies and you think they are d Like... These are great things, and they can make popular experiences even more prosperous.
Tip: Although it is important to say "no" to things you don't like, especially when you feel uncomfortable or painful, remember to keep a positive attitude towards things you like and guide them in a way that they know Your partner is something you like especially.
"When you touch me like this, I like it."
"When you bite my neck, I get very hot!"
"My clitoris/penis is now too sensitive to this touch. Can you touch me like this?" (and show it to your partner!)
"It makes me hear your It groan."
How can I improve my sex skills
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