Black Moon Lilith is not a planet or body, but rather a point, and should not be confused with the asteroid, Lilith. You can look up your Black Moon Lilith sign here, and to find its positions through the years, see the Black Moon Lilith ephemeris (along with White Moon Selena, Lilith’s counterpart).

In your natal chart, where Lilith is by sign, house, and aspect is where you may have felt ashamed, shamed, ridiculed, stifled, deeply misunderstood, or repressed in some manner. For whatever reason, you are wary of expressing those traits or parts of your personality freely and unapologetically, and you can feel quite uncomfortable with people who are doing so.

There can also be a binging and purging cycle involved with the traits of Lilith’s sign or house wherein we overdo or go all out, expressing these traits in extreme, then feel bad for doing so. This leads to a purging stage in which we reject or deprive ourselves of the traits. Eventually, the need for them is strong and we go to extremes again, perpetuating this self-destructive cycle.

For example, with Lilith in Aries, the discomfort may be about asserting oneself. When a person with Lilith in Aries feels the need to assert themselves, it feels so wrong and unnatural that they do it in a choppy, extreme, and messy way. Afterward, they feel ashamed for this display and vow to not do it again. The cycle repeats until they’ve worked on accepting that self-assertion is their right.

To work through this, we need to learn to accept these traits in ourselves and express them in ways that we’ve transformed or made to fit our lives without fear or guilt. We may have too-high expectations of ourselves in these areas, and we can convince ourselves we don’t care. It’s difficult to go there since fear and shame can be mixed in, but it’s also empowering.

Lilith in Aries has felt that asserting themselves and making executive self-centered decisions is selfish or otherwise wrong. They may have felt shame for displaying self-centered traits, for taking the lead without asking, or for making self-centered choices. They may feel wary of people expressing Aries traits, largely because they are shocked at how they can do so without apology! There can be some fear of taking the lead, asserting oneself, and making executive decisions, but a simultaneous desire to do so, which can lead to extremes of behavior in these areas. Learning to accept these traits in themselves is the key. This can also apply to Lilith in the 1st house.
https://mytodayshoroscope.com/lilith-in-the-astrological-houses/
Lilith in Taurus has felt shame for self-indulgence, not sharing, holding onto possessions too tightly, and for enjoying themselves without apology. They feel guilty or wrong for doing these things, which can lead to all sorts of behaviors, whether it’s about hoarding, purging, or in between these extremes, but feeling ashamed for indulging oneself or getting comfortable. They may have a hard time feeling truly satisfied or sated, but can also fear the state of wanting. Perhaps they were punished in some manner for being slow, savoring things, or enjoying and indulging themselves. This can also apply to Lilith in the 2nd house.

Lilith in Gemini has felt shame for speaking too much or too little, or for their intelligence or social skills. They may be wary of people who seem to be indulgent in these ways — who are social butterflies or who talk too much or who seem to flaunt their intelligence. Their curiosity may have been stifled in some manner, and they can fear not being considered smart. They can be wicked with what they say when angry! Shame in these areas can lead to extremes of behavior and a feeling of being out of control. Working on self-acceptance is the key to empowerment. This can also apply to Lilith in the 3rd house.

Lilith in Cancer has felt ashamed for being needy or dependent for whatever reason and feels awkward or even angry with people who display these traits without apology. Their nurturing nature was stifled in some way and they can feel very uncomfortable asking for help and/or expressing their own nurturing nature as a result. This discomfort can lead to extremes of behavior in this area and then misgivings afterward, and the cycle then continues. Working on self-acceptance is the key to empowerment. This can also apply to Lilith in the 4th house.

Lilith in Leo has felt ashamed or otherwise wrong for calling special attention to themselves, for seeking the spotlight, or for seeking to be better than others in competitions. They may feel uncomfortable with people expressing these Leonine traits. This shame or discomfort can lead to extremes of behavior in these areas, which can exacerbate the problem. They need to find ways to accept the very natural need for applause. Self-acceptance is the key to moderation and empowerment. This can also apply to Lilith in the fifth house.

Lilith in Virgo has felt ashamed, off, or wrong about paying special attention to the practical side of life, attention to details, organization, and routines. They may go to pains to prove they’re not ordinary, worried, eager to please, or concerned about details enough to perfect a craft or project. Leaving many projects unfinished can be a sign of perfectionist expectations – this way, they don’t have to deal with the prospect of not producing something perfect. Extremes of behavior and binging/purging in these areas can be a sign of imbalance. Working on self-acceptance is the key to empowerment. This can also apply to Lilith in the sixth house.

Lilith in Libra has felt ashamed or wrong for needing companionship or seeking approval from others. Or, they may otherwise feel that dependency and compromise are weak and not “right”, and can feel uncomfortable with people who seem to need these things. In the absence of self-acceptance regarding these very real needs, extremes of behavior in these areas can be the result, and this perpetuates the cycle and the problem. Working on self-acceptance is the key to empowerment. This can also apply to Lilith in the seventh house.

Lilith in Scorpio has felt ashamed for the natural need for intimacy, attachment, and depth contact. They may feel wrong if they are expressing jealousy or possessiveness, attachment, etc., and can feel uncomfortable around those who are especially passionate and attached. Lack of self-acceptance in these areas can lead to extremes of behavior that exacerbate the problem. Empowering themselves involves working on accepting these qualities. This can also apply to Lilith in the eighth house.

Lilith in Sagittarius has felt ashamed for their curiosity, questions, restlessness, the need to challenge and question life/facts/beliefs, or the need to get away, expand, and seek meaning. They may feel uncomfortable around people who are expressing these Sagittarian traits, not quite trusting them. However, when feeling stressed, they can go to extremes in these areas. Working on self-acceptance is the key to empowerment. This can also apply to Lilith in the ninth house.

Lilith in Capricorn has felt ashamed or otherwise wrong for their desire to excel, succeed, or reach for worldly goals and ambitions, and they may feel uncomfortable around people who seem materialistic, status-conscious, or particularly business-minded and practical or ambitious. It can be hard to connect with their own ambitions and need for others’ esteem, but going there and allowing yourself to feel these needs can be life-changing. On the other hand, if they feel uncomfortable with these things, they can go to extremes in these areas and then feel badly afterward. The path to empowerment is self-acceptance and moderation. This can also apply to Lilith in the tenth house.

Lilith in Aquarius has felt ashamed or off for wanting to be part of a group, team, or community – for being one of the crowd – and can feel quite wary of people who seem to need these things. The answer is not to reject these basic needs since this can result in binging and purging on a social level–going all-out, feeling bad about it, hiding away, and then repeating the cycle again. Self-acceptance can help empower them and put an end to extremes of behavior in these areas. This can also apply to Lilith in the eleventh house.

Lilith in Pisces has felt ashamed or off for being needy, compassionate, or wishy-washy, or for their spiritual side, and this person can feel uncomfortable or annoyed with people who resist labels, who are not very assertive or ready to take the lead. Rejecting or feeling ashamed of their basic needs in these areas can lead to extremes of behavior and repeated cycles of binging and purging with these traits. The key to moderation and empowerment is self-acceptance. This can also apply to Lilith in the twelfth house.