You tried it before and it didn’t work.Well this is a new person and a new beginning. This new person may respond differently. In fact I can almost guarantee you they will. What I’m talking about here is being yourself, Fresh-Keeping Box separating out the past from the present, and treating each man as an individual who will not necessarily behave or respond the way the last one did. (Of course if you keep picking losers and think it’s a pattern, please get help.) The Chinese say you never step twice in the same river.

It wasn’t giving him back rubs, or being considerate or generous to him that broke up your previous relationship. We throw out a whole set of behaviors because they’re associated with bad outcomes in the past. Yes you DO know how to do things and how to make a relationship work; you just were with the wrong person, or the timing was wrong, or the place was wrong. Did you ever consider that?One of the fun things about dating is when you find out that Modigliani print in the living room your ex hated, just thrills your new guy, and this applies to qualities, traits and behaviours as well. We have to separate out what caused what, and who is who in the after-divorce scenario. As I say in my book, “Midlife Dating Manual for Women,” until you can, you aren’t ready to date. You’ll trip all over yourself wanting to do something quite natural, and then slap yourself on the wrist. You aren’t emotionally available. Marriages end because the people are no longer being nice to each other. But it wasn’t BEING NICE that got you there. It was other things.

You were breathing, weren’t you, when you were with your ex. You still intend to keep doing that, don’t you? Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water!Of COURSE find out what the guy likes, and then give it with all your heart if you like him. Just because the last guy didn’t like you, want your attention, appreciate you, or respond to your kindness, doesn’t mean this one won’t. It’s about BEING WHO YOU ARE not worrying about WHAT YOU’RE DOING.It’s only fun when you can be relaxed and be yourself, including lots of nice little gestures and kindnesses to the other person, and being able to enjoy giving, receiving, and sharing.